Midlife Musings: Crisis or Glow Up?

2 min read

I turned 35 today. Frankly, I feel indifferent about my age these days. Sometimes I need a minute or two to remember how old I am, giving the adage “age doesn’t matter” a rather altered meaning. I feel young—except when my back creaks from a mistimed bend, or when I reach for the appropriate strength of essential oil from my bedside table, which varies depending on the intensity of my muscle soreness. Or when I need two days to recover from drinking a few pints, a considerable regression from coming home at 4 a.m. and being in class at 7 a.m., bright as day, back in university 15 years ago. Or, stupefyingly, being offered a discounted Botox treatment by my friend Paolo, a board-certified plastic surgeon, which I have been seriously considering. My friend Khaye sent a screenshot of a greeting posted on my Facebook wall 10 years ago in our group chat. I was amused. “Hindi nakakafresh yung 10 years later, dami nakadikit na Salonpas sakin today! Hahahaha!” I reacted.

Do I worry that I am getting old? Absolutely not. It is a privilege to keep adding years to life. More so, it is an even rarer privilege to add meaning to those years. Many do not get as lucky. Even Jesus died at the ripe age of 33, though it could be argued that he led a life more meaningful than all of ours combined.

There is wisdom that comes with growing older. You become more self-assured and intentional with the choices you’re making. You seem to know yourself more, leading to decisions that are more attuned to who you are. For example, and this may be a little banal, but I generally do not like crowded spaces; I get tired and overwhelmed by a deluge of people. A week ago, my friend Gino asked me to go to Lucky Plaza on a Sunday afternoon—perhaps the most crowded time of the week in Orchard. I politely declined. As much as I’d have liked to spend time with my friend, I would not have found that excursion enjoyable.

There is also a feeling of renewed strength and courage in facing life head-on. Perhaps it’s because experience has taught us that everything, one way or another, turns out okay—sometimes even better than we planned. I believe this comes with a degree of faith and letting go, as there is only so much in life that is within our control.

Birthdays have become quieter for me over the years, a day of silent reflection. I cherish the birthday wishes I received today from many friends and family; they made my heart swell with joy. Part of growing older is also the decreased mental load to remember everything. I forget people’s birthdays even when I’m determined not to. One time, I set a calendar reminder to make sure I didn’t forget to greet a friend. I still forgot. So I am very grateful to those who remembered and certainly bear no grudge against those who didn’t. Haha!

Am I happy with the life I am living? Yes. Absolutely. My younger cousins think I am having a midlife crisis because suddenly I am running a marathon. It is apparently a sure way to tell. I disagree. I think crisis leads to self-discovery. Discovery brings joy. And joyfulness is one of my favourite virtues.