Where did all the years go? I’m almost baffled at how swiftly the years between 20 and 30 went by with half of my 30th spent in near isolation due to the pandemic. It begs the question, are my best years behind me? I sure hope not! As with that useful adage, age is just a number. You’re truly only as old as you feel and I feel pretty damn young.
As with past birthdays, I try to do an introspection of some sort to keep myself in check because what’s the point of adding years if I am older but none the wiser. One of the many things the last three decades have taught me is to be more gracious. Gracious in my dealings with others, gracious with my friends and family, and most of all, gracious with myself.
There had never been tougher times in our collective lives than now therefore there is no better time to be kind. I’m not going to start preaching though because I’ve done my fair share of selfish acts that I am not proud of and when I reflected on them, I realised all I was doing was feed my ego. I had a propensity to act better than everyone else, to prove myself right. Typical Type A. I wore it like a badge of honor. Somehow over the years I came across situations and people that humbled me and I realised that the effect of being right is ephemeral, but the impact of being kind is lasting. And I’d rather be remembered for the latter because it is my relationships with people that I consider my single significant source of happiness. Studies have shown that good social relationships are the most consistent predictor of a happy life and this has never been more evident now when the pandemic stripped us off of our earthly pleasures. Luckily, in spite of my predilections, I continue to gravitate towards people whose lives inspire me to be better. Having said that, it’s important to keep the people who support you (and will lovingly scold you if you’re being shunga) and be wary of those who antagonise for antagonising’s sake. Time and again I’ve said that life is only as good as the people you surround yourself with.
Another thing I’ve learned is to do things with passion and conviction. In life and in love, it’s important to give it your all. True to my numerology forecast (yes numerology because sometimes logic kills joy), I have learned that I really do love fiercely and loyally. As in on a scale of one to pinatattoo mo ang pangalan nya sa balat mo, how foolishly in love were you, I’m ashamed to admit I dialled the crazy to a maximum. Kids do not follow suit. But if you must, make sure you hide it in a part of your body that’s inconspicuous so you are not reminded daily of your indiscretion. But also in all seriousness, do it only when you are one hundred percent convinced you won’t regret it somehow. Which leads me to my next life lesson (wuw!).
Do not hold on to regret. Forgive yourself for your transgressions and move on. Learn from the past and lead a life you and the ones you love can be proud of because life is too short to spend it regretting over things that are no longer in your control. Be kind to yourself. It’s true for me especially because I’m single and instead of chasing after pointless casual relationships (unless this really floats your boat, you do you), I’d rather invest in my relationship with myself because it’s the only “forever” I can count on. But also, Lord ikaw na bahala! Chos!
Finally, be true to yourself. Do not fall prey to other people’s expectations of how your life should be. Take social media with a grain of salt. The way it has evolved it seems to me that it is now designed to make us want. Learn to amplify the good and discard the bad. The most wonderful people I know lead full and rich lives offline.
Personally, I have many things to be grateful for despite all the relative chaos around. I can still find reason to laugh because I’m surrounded by people, physically and mostly virtually, who bring me so much joy. This blog has also become an unlikely source of solace for me during this time, a place to pen my thoughts. While I have so much hope for the future, my immediate wish is for an end to suffering brought about not only by the pandemic, but by hate and intolerance and the incompetence of many of our world leaders. Oy Miss U baka naman.
Folks, let us not despair. We will get through this. As my favourite saying goes, kapit lang mga beh!
Bon. C’est tout ! J’ai dit assez. J’espère que vous allez bien. Finalement, joyeux anniversaire à moi ! (Translation: Well. That’s all! I’ve said enough. I hope you are well. Finally, happy birthday to me!)
Parting with a collage of my birthday essays over the years, how they’ve evolved! 2011 was around CPA boards, spent my spare time praying to St. Jude and offering eggs to Sta. Clara. Wonder what happened in 2014.
