Keep Calm and Don’t Let Work Kill Your Vibe

3 min read

“Thanks Trisha for being with us in all hard times.” the email read. It was the concluding message sent by an ex-colleague after several exchanges of how are you’s and whatnot. All I did was write him some encouraging remarks about not stressing too much and taking care of themselves (addressed to him and another former colleague) more than anything. It is easier said than done but I’ve had my fair share of work-related pressures over the years so I’d like to think I have somehow mastered the art of dedma. Caveat: I don’t work in the healthcare industry, I can have the luxury of not caring because frankly no one is going to die if I mark my clients’ Microsoft stock holdings a dollar or 10 wrong.

I started my professional career in audit working like a tireless horse for a measly salary. One time, I was asked to report to the office on a Sunday despite having worked 18 hour days the previous six because a client was haranguing my boss for her audited financial statements. I did not emerge from the office until Tuesday morning. When I got home, I couldn’t decide whether to eat, shower or sleep. I decided to do them all in that order. When I woke up, I saw an alarming amount of missed calls and texts from my senior asking me to go back to the office at once. I read it at two pm and scurried back. The following evening, I met up with my friends Z and Khaye who were working in the same firm at that time, suffering the same fate. As soon as I caught glimpse of them, I couldn’t help but breakdown. In the middle of Ayala Triangle, I was wailing. “Gusto ko lang naman magpalit ng malinis na panty!” (I just wanted to change into clean underwear!) was apparently my battlecry as Khaye recounted years later. I couldn’t remember. I was exhausted, hungry, lonely and exploited. But I was also young and ambitious and had a lot to prove so I sucked it up. I stayed for six months in that job and when I left, I swore never to go back.

I moved to Canada soon after and life was a breeze. Cue in Dolly Parton 9 to 5. It was good but not good enough. I was young and ambitious and wanted the distinction that came with every promotion. So I decided to move to Hong Kong to take a role that thrusted me back to a life that I swore I will never go back to. Working culture in Asian megacities is a killer. Unlike our counterparts in the west who walk out of the office on the dot leaving the workplace a ghost town right at five o’clock, putting more hours than what we are contractually paid for is normal, perhaps even expected. The lifestyle is fast and competitive. A leisurely paced walk will earn you the ire of Hong Kongers if you get in the way of them sprinting from one train to the other. I adapted quickly because adaptation is key to survival. But my anxiety was at an all time high. My peers were getting promotions left, right and center so there was a pressure (mostly self-imposed) to perform at peak to keep up. I was in my mid-twenties and my work was my life. But I was young and ambitious and still had so much energy to spare so I worked hard but damn I played hard. I went out with friends, dated unremarkable men, played so much tennis, travelled heaps. Fuel to the soul. These kept the anxiety at bay (probably not the dating part but life is not without its lessons).

Then I moved to Singapore out of my own accord. What I hadn’t realised is I would be joining an organization that lacked, well, organization. I worked long hours consistently putting out fires, trying to implement structure and occasionally yelling at people to get shit done right. I was a perfectionist so mistakes drove me mad. It made people nervous when I drew in a deep breath because surely fire cometh next. My college friends call it my arko moment – a moment of visible annoyance (story for another day). It went on like that for a couple of years.

Then came 2020. You all know what happened. Time sneaked in like a thief in the night. Suddenly, I wasn’t so young anymore, not so ambitious either. I got tired so I threw in the towel and declared that work is not my life. I began to approach work with methodical passivity. What I had observed from former managers who always seemed composed, I applied in my life. I manage a team of accountants, if I react aggressively to every problem they put forward, I will not be an effective leader and I will surely lose their trust. Now, when an issue presents itself, I merely shrug. It is what it is. Let’s fix the problem and move on. Irate client on the phone? Humor me.

Whether it’s the wisdom that comes with age, or the realisation that there are more essential things in life, this new outlook to work is helping me put things in perspective. It also allows me to occasionally give support to friends who are struggling to strike a balance between work and life. This kind of clarity is liberating.